You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
