i came on her dog
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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