This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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