Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
