Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
