Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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