so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
