i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
