Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
