I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
