remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
