shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your penis caused this!
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