Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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