he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize