Can i not drive my cunt home
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
