I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
