I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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