Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
