I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
