I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
