my phone needs a breathalizer
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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