I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
