hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
