i don't like sucking hair
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
