can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
