the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
