i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
