Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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