textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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