laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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