I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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