I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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