just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
