ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
