Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
