I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
