Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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