OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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