i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
