I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
