There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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