I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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