We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
