I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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