When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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