I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
