You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
