summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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