If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
