Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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