I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
