Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
