Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
