Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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