my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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