This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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