Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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