You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
