Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
