Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
3pm strippers are depressing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
