Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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