You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
