My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
