Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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