I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
