Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
