i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
