Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
