I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
