Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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