theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
