eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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