Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm at about main and main street
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
