all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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