You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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