saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
